Keeping the Passion Alive

Marriage has normal ebbs and flows between excitement and routine- and the sexual area is not immune for these normal marital tides, but without constant effort and awareness, routine becomes boring, and the sexual area of our relationships can lose its power to help us bond and find pleasure.  It’s not that sex has to always has to have some new and unusual, honestly, that can often lead down strange and perverse paths that are degrading to yourself and others; but when sex becomes so routine and boring that couples aren’t growing and challenging themselves, that is the time to renew creativity and caring in your relationship.   

Let me explain it this way, many couples have the habit of saying “I love you” every morning before they leave.  Nothing is wrong with this habit, as it reminds you that you love each other.  But if this habit is the only way love is expressed, there is so much that you are missing.  If you will send a quick text in the middle of the day expressing love, or send flowers just because you wanted to share your love for them, or you share an unexpected passionate kiss instead of the expected kiss on the cheek.  You are bringing creativity and life back into the relationship.  The same is true in the bedroom.  The same routine can get boring and stale.  It’s about creating and sharing new ways to express your love, keeping it interesting. If you will recognize the need to “shake it up”, stepping out of your comfort zone once in a while, you will find you will be much better at keeping the passion alive.

As hard as it is to be more creative, it probably harder to address problems sexually.  Sexual behaviors are powerful and so deeply personal.  What one may enjoy, the other may not enjoy it as much or even find it distasteful.  To address these concerns requires authenticity, courage, and maturity.  Once you have your feelings on the table, you can discuss what each person is experiencing and new options can emerge that will work for both of you.  

            One of the great benefits of long term, committed relationships is that couples have time to mature and grow together over time.  While physically you are in your prime in your 20’s, many couples find sex more enjoyable as they age because they have matured enough to be open with one another and let go of their insecurities and anxieties.  It can be quite liberating to give up this idea that you have be some model, and just enjoy the beauty of the bodies God created.  As couples age, they often have more resources with time, money, and energy.  Be patient and persistent in battling against less than authentic experiences. Learn to be more authentic by being more open and honest in respectful ways, and then start to take small risks both in and out of the bedroom.  Just start by risking a little, expressing a little appreciation, and giving a small compliment to your spouse.  In the tides of normal life, all of us can become neglectful of our relationships and being true to ourselves and our loved ones.  It is important that we take a moment every once in a while and do an internal check on how we are doing. 

Challenge

1.      Take time to really evaluate your actions and if they are being authentic, or are you going through the motions of life?

2.      Express love once daily to your spouse in a way that is simple, yet unexpected.

3.      Have a honest conversation with your spouse on what you would like to be different in your sexual relationship.  Be sure to express what you love as well.  

Reference:

Busby, D. M., & Carroll, J. S. (2014). Sexual Wholeness In Marriage.